-Originally aired August 2, 1986.
-Your hosts are Jim Ross and Hacksaw Jim Duggan, as a nice change of pace.
JEFF GAYLORD vs. BROADWAY JOE MALCOLM
-This is really my first exposure to Jeff Gaylord after only knowing him as “guy who gets mentioned all the time in old Observers.” Million-dollar body and he actually bears a passing resemblance to John Cena, but for some reason, he just never launched the way I think he was expected to.
-Malcolm applies a chinlock, but Gaylord escapes and backdrops him. Powerslam gets an easy three-count for Gaylord.
-We revisit the spike piledriver from the Freebirds that may have ended the career of Dr. Death.
-Michael Hayes rattles off a list of mainstream sports stars who never came back from injuries.
-We go to Bill Watts, who is thrilled because the UWF is making their Dallas debut tonight, with Dusty Rhodes defending the NWA World Title against Ric Flair in the main event, but unfortunately, it’s a bittersweet night, because our good friend Steve Williams isn’t on the card, and he should be. And if there’s one thing that doesn’t belong on a Dallas wrestling card, it’s a sense of loss.
-Next, we go to Ted DiBiase. Ted is thrilled that the UWF has elected not to punish the Freebirds, because it means that there’s no excuse the Freebirds can give for ducking Steve Williams when he’s cleared to wrestle again.
HOLLYWOOD JOHN TATUM (with Missy Hyatt) vs. BRETT WAYNE SAWYER
-Sawyer applies a side headlock while the commentators agree that women do not belong at ringside, but also they are not sexists.
-Sawyer hiptosses Tatum, who complains about tights-pulling. Sawyer bodypresses Tatum for a one-count. Tatum just gives Sawyer a swift boot to the gut to turn the tide, and comes off the second rope with a fist for the one-count. Snap suplex by Tatum gets two. Sawyer gets his second wind and connects with an elbow for two. Dropkick by Sawyer gets two more. Missy Hyatt hits the apron, and it gets the job done. Sneak attack by Tatum, and an elbow gets three. Commentators are just so ANNOYED that Hyatt’s distraction worked, it’s delightful.
TAG TEAM TITLE: THE FANTASTICS (Champions) vs. EDDIE GILBERT & STING
-Michael Hayes arrives for commentary. Meanwhile, there’s some confusion because John Tatum & Missy Hyatt just came back to the ring for some kind of discussion, and also Missy has a GIGANTIC PURSE. Also, just to make things even more interesting, Eddie Gilbert’s father Tommy asked to be the referee for this match, to make a point about his own ability to carry out his duties fairly.
-Bobby Fulton criss-crosses with Eddie. Eddie tries a fake-out and a strut, but Fulton just busts his chops and struts back. The camera cuts to Missy Hyatt and her GIGANTIC PURSE at ringside, and the thing might as well have a sledgehammer in it.
-Tommy Rogers applies a side headlock on Eddie. Eddie Irish whips to break it, but Tommy makes it to the middle turnbuckle and comes off with a bodypress for two. Everybody tags and Sting puts a bearhug on Fulton. Hayes BURIES the other half of the Blade Runners on commentary, saying that Sting’s former partner was holding him back, and you can tell just from the amount of improvement Sting has shown in the ring since his crappy partner left the company.
-Fulton goes into the corner, but Sting not only misses a corner splash, he MISSES it at about 150 MPH and straddles himself over the top rope to sell it. Fantastics whip the heels into each other. Pier sixer erupts. Rogers has Eddie Gilbert pinned, but Sting uses his last ounce of strength to tackle everybody including Tommy Gilbert out of the ring.
-Carl Fergie rushes to the ring to take over officiating duties, and he gets knocked out in his first five seconds in the ring, and Rogers goes for another pin and gets his second visual three-count over Gilbert. And finally, Missy Hyatt’s GIGANTIC PURSE makes contact, knocking Rogers cold, and Gilbert rolls over and pins him right as Fergie recovers to count it. Gilbert & Sting are your new Tag Team Champions. This was not a good object lesson in the fine art of subtlety, exactly, but it was fine match.
-Jim Ross announces that we’re about to see the world premiere of a new Fabulous Freebirds music video produced by Joel Watts. Michael Hayes celebrates that the Freebirds are so dominant that even the Cowboy’s own son is jumping on the bandwagon. Then the damn music video is edited out of this copy and we jump right to Hayes’ screaming, furious reaction, and the gist of it is Joel Watts made a music video using the Freebirds’ song but using clips where they look like shit in the ring.
RICK STEINER (with Eddie Gilbert) vs. KEN MASSEY
-Buzz Sawyer is gone from the promotion after lasting a phenomenal nine months without pissing somebody off, so Steiner is now part of Hot Stuff International.
-Steiner pounds on Massey as JR workshops “The Hammer” as a nickname for him. Steiner chokes Massey out as JR emphasizes that the Blade Runners are a thing of the past and you will never hear that name associated with Sting again. I kinda want to know the story behind everyone deciding that we need to a spend a few minutes this week taking a dump on the Ultimate Warrior. He’s been gone for like two months.
-Belly-to-belly by Steiner gets three.
KOKO B. WARE (with Hacksaw Jim Duggan) vs. KAMALA (with Skandor Akbar)
-Hacksaw insists on being at ringside to watch Akbar, and dances the Bird in a show of unity with Koko.
-Koko does cartwheels all over the ring to stop Kamala from getting his hands on him. Stick & move tactics by the Birdman. Koko ARMDRAGS Kamala, and does it again, and the crowd flips their shit over the sight of that, and Kamala looks absolutely confused about what to do next. Dropkick by Koko, and another.
-Akbar tries to interfere, and it works long enough for Kamala to sneak-attack Koko while Duggan hurries over and beats the crap out of Akbar. Akbar leaves ringside while Kamala applies a chokehold on Koko. The credits start rolling for the end of TV time, and suddenly Akbar returns to the ring with the One Man Gang, who starts brawling with Duggan as we fade to black. A chaotic ending like that might make for a nice rematch, but unfortunately, that’s not going to happen, because Kamala and Koko are both jumping to the WWF and this is the last UWF TV appearance for both of them!
