After seeing the Paris Olympics opening ceremony I was enlightened and inspired for our turn to impress the world and to better the French.
First we could offer the challenge of a lifetime to anyone willing to ride a bicycle on Beck Street (winter in 10 years may be perfect cycling weather). It offers the trifecta of thrills; traffic, bad air and gravel. Compared to this a cruise on the Seine would be boring. Who wants to sit on a boat when you can dodge bad drivers while skidding on the jettson of the many dump trucks; all while sucking chemical fumes coming from the mysterious dystopian factories of steam and weird noises? Oh, you want the boat ride? Well, I have a different event for you.
We could offer river cruises down our version of the Seine, the Jordan River. The floating trash piles would make the Parisian sewer tour pale in comparison. Seeing tweakers dance the meth out of their systems would be balanced with the calm of the day-sleeping junkies propped against the fences in the Fairpark area. Add to that the fabulous smells of the stagnant water, the homeless camps, and the ethanol glycol of the Power Plant neighborhood and we’ve outdone Paris once again. Not impressed?
Maybe a journey of the giants would be more your style. Grab a “safe” electric scooter. They are abundantly available and, hey, you can’t get hurt on vacation…right? Forget the helmet. Tour the towering canyons of poorly designed and over-priced apartments built to supply the hoards of youngsters that will never be able to afford a house. Every one of these modern shambles is named something clever like “The Concrete” or “Wallet Crush.”
Not your cup of Earl Grey?
How about instead we show the world that we are an empathetic and progressive city that actually addresses the problems of poverty, homelessness, drug addiction and rampant urban greed. We have 10 years and the clock has started. Vote for those who solve problems, not those who hide them with glitter.
Paul Tanner, Bountiful
