Red Eye: Season 1 trailer
We've all had a case of "red eye" from staying up too late to binge-watch the latest hit show. But Red Eye (ITV1, Sunday) is an altogether different thing, one whose aim is death by jet-lag.
It's brought to you by the good ol' security services, who can make your day very miserable if they suspect you may have committed a crime abroad.
We've all been there... thankfully only in our nightmares, which is what faced Richard Armitage's Doctor Nolan when he arrived back in Blighty from Beijing.
It wasn't a nice welcome. Personally I would have demanded an immediate refund from the airline and asked for a year's free access to the first-class lounge.
If this potential "rendition" happens to you, don't go complaining about being on British soil, though.
Unless you're already through immigration, you're still in a "rendition land", according to airport security.
So, for goodness' sake, if you arrive from foreign climes, don't throw a wobbly on the way to the Border Force because your trolley is too squeaky.
Alas, the nightmare had only just begun for our "good doctor".
Nolan was then handcuffed to a policewoman and ushered back onto a flight to China. He wasn't even offered a complimentary hot towel, or extra leg-room.
He'd apparently killed somebody in the show's opening car smash. It was hard to believe any of it, but in most thrillers it increasingly doesn't matter. If you're hooked, you're, er, hooked.
For one, I don't believe Nolan would have survived that car accident - maybe China has airbags that perform miracles.
Producers like nothing better than a story set on a plane - Snakes On A Plane, Con Air, Hijack etc. I'd much prefer to watch Decent Food ... On A Plane.
Nolan's escort back to China was bizarrely hospitable. No not in that way.
She allowed him to have an alcoholic drink, which saw him down a large gin and tonic. You'd normally have to kill for service like that!
Nolan was delighted - until he realised the vegan meal he'd ordered but had given to another passenger was full of poison.
Only five hours left to find out if he is doomed to live in "rendition ping-pong".
You could argue that if you're watching a theatre play on television then you must be desperate. Good (BBC4, Sunday), however, was a complete revelation.
The National Theatre production of this CP Taylor play starred David Tennant, Sharon Small and Elliot Levey - and it was compelling.
It can be difficult to make plays work on television, but as this was shot on one set only it was perfect, along with the fact that Sharon Small played three characters herself. She was outstanding. Tennant turned in a five-star performance too. He played Professor John Halder, a rather lost German academic who kept hearing musical interludes in his head while being drawn towards Nazism.
The idea was: how far can you still consider yourself a "good person" if, you're having an affair, have almost disowned your dementia-suffering mother, are flirting with ideas of euthanasia and think it's okay to join the SS. The start of the new production coincided with Holocaust Memorial Day, which is all that needs to be said about this disturbing, but important show.
Where do you go with a talent show when your last winner performed "comedy" in a high-viz vest while running around the studio like a man possessed.
It's obvious. You get each judge on Britain's Got Talent (ITV1, Saturday & Sunday) to say, "that was unbelievable", and have them repeat this with each act, along with cutaway shots of audience members with their jaws, well and truly dropped.
The show which is largely aimed at children - nothing wrong with that - is now beyond ridiculous.
After an act where a woman impersonated animal sounds, judge Amanda Holden said she'd had a "spiritual experience". Really? When a well-toned performer called Arbor did an acrobatic handstand on stage Alesha Dixon exclaimed, "You were like a god".
Head judge Simon Cowell topped it off by telling a 10-year-old singer who had just performed, "you're going to be a superstar". For everyone's sake, I really do hope this turns out to be true.
Finally, Interior Design Masters (BBC2, Tuesday), the show that shouldn't really be a hit, continues to out-perform, even though contestants use terms like "Victorian Maximalism".
Thank goodness for Alan Carr who cuts through the design-speak every week, to say things like, "Why are you using green again? It is green, isn't it?" Roll on next week's final, and it's anyone's contest - as long as neither go "maximalist"!
STEPHENSON'S ROCKET
Ignore the weather: the summer TV silly season has begun early. The main channels are devoid of memorable shows. In fact, most of them are instantly forgettable. The interesting thing about a lack of quality content is that under normal circumstances audiences would be making a real fuss but the presence of streaming channels means that there's always a go-to show, and something we can binge. The danger for terrestrial television is that viewers make streamers their first port of call. If only I had a pound for every time that someone has said, “Have you watched that new thing on Netflix?”
