-We’re missing a week here and skipping ahead.
-Cold open: Jack Victory, Lady Maxine, and Dark Journey have a tea party together, and it turns into a war of words, with Dark Journey getting fired up and throwing a beverage in Maxine’s face.
-Originally aired May 24, 1986.
-Your hosts are Jim Ross & Michael P.S. Hayes.
GUSTAVO MENDOZA vs. PERRY JACKSON
-They trade hammerlocks. A lot. Like…a lot. Like they’re scoring this match on hammerlocks applied. Mendoza misses a corner charge and falls victim to an armbar while JR polishes the turd, noting that both of these guys have terrible track records in the UWF, which means this is a very important match in the record book for whoever wins.
-Jackson gets an armbar on Mendoza, but Mendoza rams him into the turnbuckle and follows with an axehandle. Commentary has established that because of the skipped week, we actually missed a pretty big angle last week, and ideally we’ll revisit it later in the hour.
-Big clothesline by Mendoza gets two, but a splash misses and Perry Jackson hulks up. He goes for a backdrop, and Mendoza drops an elbow to counter that, and the neckbreaker (plus a handful of tights) scores the win.
-A special promotion touting UWF’s availability for non-profit fundraising events at your local high school gym. JR’s voiceover in this ad refers to the UWF as “sports entertainment,” as I pick my jaw up off the floor.
TED DIBIASE vs. GARY YOUNG
-Michael P.S. Hayes leads the charge on the nepobaby callouts, noting that UNLIKE DiBiase, the Freebirds got into the wrestling business on their own and became stars without a famous daddy’s name to borrow from.
-DiBiase works the arm over while Hayes says he’s pretty sure that DiBiase is using the hair a lot because it’s the only way he could do these holds so well. Young tries to mount some offense, but DiBiase wrecks him with a clothesline and locks on the figure four to finish it.
-And with that, we go to a replay of last week’s big angle. Bill Watts heads into the ring to confront Eddie Gilbert and Korchenko, and he pulls the “I’m the president of the company” card and tells them that the post-match ritual of burying people in the Soviet flag stops RIGHT NOW.
-The Blade Runners head to the ring to try to intimidate Watts, and the babyfaces know where this shit’s going, so Steve Williams and Ted DiBiase come to ringside to provide backup. That’s still three against four, so Korchenko attempts a sneak attack, but Watts sees him coming and levels him with a right hand. A brawl breaks out, and the forces of America clear the ring.
-Jim Ross is on location at Bill Watts’ house, where the Cowboy and Dr. Death are training. Russians are COWARDS because they never attack anybody unless the odds are stacked in their favor. “Big tough Russia attacked Aghanistan and their mule carts!” So Watts is coming out of retirement to take on the Russians in a series of street fights. I feel like I said this last year, but compared to blond, tan, and muscular Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, seeing this increasingly dad-bodied middle-aged man pushing himself in the main event was exactly the wrong look at a time when they were trying to compete on a national level. If Bill Watts HAD to get in the ring, and if his ego could handle it, the right spot for him at this point would have been mid-card comedy matches where he just kicks the shit out of Skandar Akbar, while the guys that the two of them support are competing in the main event.
SHEEPHERDERS (with Jack Victory) vs. TRACY SMOTHERS & BRETT WAYNE SAWYER
-I guess that Wayne/Peterson combo ain’t happening like I thought. Michael Hayes has departed from commentary because he has a match later in the show, but JR has just received a note from Ted DiBiase, asking to sit in for commentary during the Hayes match.
-Sawyer takes Luke down with a forearm. Everybody tags and Smothers wins a fist fight, so Butch goes to the eyes while JR hypes a barbed wire cage match coming up between the Fantastics and the Sheepherders. Tracy dropkicks Luke out to the concrete. Back in, Smothers goes for a corner charge and runs into a big boot. Butch tags in and chops him down, and ye gods this crowd has been dead for the entire hour.
-Knee by Butch misses and it’s hot tag to Sawyer. Sawyer cleans house, but tags Smothers right back in. Historic moment follows, as the Sheepherders debut the battering ram, and then the double stomachbreaker follows. A second one gets the win.
KAMALA (with Skandar Akbar) vs. DAVID PETERSON
-A warning shot is fired, as JR refers to Kamala as “the Eighth Wonder of the World.” But before the bell can sound, Hacksaw Jim Duggan shows up and demands that he get to wrestle the match instead of Peterson. Peterson cheerfully steps aside, and Duggan immediately takes Kamala out with a clothesline.
-Duggan continues beating the hell out of Kamala. Kamala fights back with chops. The fighting goes to the floor, and Duggan uses a table as a weapon to daze Kamala. Kamala goes to the eyes. Back in the ring, Kamala targets the throat and hits a big splash, but Duggan kicks out at two, and Kamala nearly shits himself in shock that Duggan kicked out. Duggan throws punches again, but a wayward punch takes out the referee.
-Akbar, seeing his opportunity, attempts a dastardly attack along with Kamala, but Kamala accidentally takes out his manager with a big chop as a second referee hits the ring and calls for the bell to end this madness, and Duggan gets the win by DQ.
JACK VICTORY (with Lady Maxine) vs. DARK JOURNEY’S MYSTERY WRESTLER
-So Dark Journey has a surprise. Her mystery wrestler is actually…herself. She insists that she can fight her own battles, and if Maxine wants to be a bitch about it, Dark Journey is ready to settle it. And Maxine responds to that by just beating the hell out of her and leaving.
TERRY TAYLOR vs. MICHAEL P.S. HAYES
-Ted DiBiase has been made aware that Hayes has been shit-talking him on commentary, so if Hayes is going to wrestle on TV, DiBiase will go ahead and sit on commentary to make it even. Hayes sees DiBiase sitting at the commentary table and says he won’t wrestle if DiBiase is on commentary.
-So DiBiase, obliging, leaves the commentary table…and walks straight to ringside, has a chat with Terry Taylor, and convinces Terry to leave the ring, and we get this angle a second time in the same hour.
-DiBiase hammers away at Hayes and knocks him to the floor. Credits roll as Hayes start to mount offense, and we’re outta time…and unfortunately running out of shows, because what I have of UWF gets a little spotty after this week.
